Dangerous Baggage

Nullius addictus jurare in verba magistri

Complacency Is Destructive To An Active Relationship

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The question is not whether a relationship is perfect but whether the partners are perfect for each other

In mechanical and scientific arenas a relationship between 2 things, or entities, is typically quite static – it doesn’t appear to change much. Usually because in these arenas the 2 entities involved in the relationship are themselves unchanging.

In practice the entities, whatever they are, may well change over a long time and then the relationship changes. Take the relationship between a lock and a key; the key turns every time… for years… until the lock breaks or the key wears down, then the turning suddenly doesn’t happen any more.

From here it is quite easy to make a jump to relationships in a social arena and imagine intangible, and often tenuous relationships, hanging between ever changing, self-aware entities. People, social groups, organisations, whatever…

Think of your own relationships and remember that the people on the other side of each of the relationships you are involved in are changing. While they are alive they will always be changing, as the hours, days and years go by they will change a little or a lot – but they will change.

If someone ever tells you that you are too irritating, analytical or gentle, or if you tell someone that they are a coward or a bully; remember that next week that may have changed – a little or a lot. If you want a relationship with something predictable and unchanging, go buy a car or an iPod – all they do is work and predictably degrade and depreciate.

The brilliance of a relationship with another person is that they will change – and watching the progression over time IS the beauty of it.

Of course fear, anger, frustration, aggression, apathy and sometimes hatred can come with a changing relationship (so beware!) but so does excitement, affection, comfort, purpose and love. There is only one other option if you don’t want to accept the risks… and that’s a very lonely option indeed.

If you do decide to take part in a scary, daunting, active relationship, do just that. Take it for granted at your peril. Complacency is as destructive for it as almost anything else.

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Written by matthaughton

November 8, 2010 at 11:07 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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